![]() ![]() The manner in which the significant people in the infants’ lives accommodate themselves to this altered context determines how the twins are affected. Two infants born with the same developmental needs, in the same time frame, profoundly changes a baby’s usual environment at birth. He points out that the key factors here are somewhat independent of whether twins are identical or fraternal. He also found that the twinship experience itself affects the psychological development tasks that face each twin. His research concludes that the character of the twin bond and the sense of identity for each twin is significantly influenced by the environment the twins encounter after birth most importantly, the twin relationship, that the parents and/or caregivers and siblings help to create by their conscious and unconscious perceptions and attitudes, and their interactions with their twins. His work focuses solely on the experience of twins at birth. We further learn about the formation of identity in twins from the significant work of Ricardo Ainslie. We do know, however, that reports from twins whose twin has died in utero or in the early stages of life, indicate that a significant and prolonged experience of loss can result in the surviving twin even with early twin loss. The powerful significance of an in-utero bond between twins, and its effect on their identity is more difficult to analyze from the inter-twin responses researchersĭescribe to date. I think it is fair to say that the rudiments of separate identity and relationship formation in twins have been clearly identified through ultrasound during the womb experience. These patterns are often repeated after birth. And early on, they begin to show distinct, individual, and also interactive patterns of behavior and temperament, which have been observed and documented by researchers with the use of ultra-sonography. ![]() But from their cellular origins, they are ushered into the womb in relationship, both to their mother and to each other. ![]() Whether fraternal or identical, they receive different stimuli and resources in the womb environment and, therefore, have different experiences that affect their fetal development. Twins begin their identify formation in the womb. Therefore, how we are affected by our twin loss depends a lot on the meaning of our twinship to us, and to whom we believe we are as individuals. So not only are we bereft as twinless twins, but our sense of who we are as individuals can be severely affected, even threatened and dramatically challenged. The twin that remains for us is both a physical and psychological memory, accompanied now by crippling pain. We often feel unable to negotiate our world. We lose our grounding, and we are off-balance. We are often left feeling half of a person. When our twin is lost, the “We” is broken. It affects the meaning we ascribe to ourselves in the world. This is really important! – it is the issue of our identity – the question of “Who am I?” – this intrinsic perception affects not only how we see ourselves, but others as well. One of the most challenging things about twinship and twin loss is that for twins, the subjective “I” is often seen by them to be in the framework of “We.” We see ourselves in the context of another person. In order to better understand our individual healing journey, let’s begin here by looking at the larger context of our twin loss. I just took it for granted that Daphne and my breath were part of being alive.” When our twin dies, we must begin to breathe again we must begin again with our lives, starting with what truly feels like the end. I’d never in my life thought about breathing. As one twin explained to me: “The day my twin died, the lights went out.” Another twin said to me, “After Daphne died, it was as if I couldn’t breathe. That is true, in that it is the end of life as we have known it since the moment of our conception. When we lose a twin, it feels for many of us like the literal end of our lives. ![]()
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